Sometimes I do have a conscience. Sometimes I feel bad about the things that I am doing. I honestly don’t do a lot to feel bad about. I am not a selfish person. I never ask anyone for anything and I always do for others which is a blessing and a curse. This is the one time that I really want something. Why shouldn’t I be able to have it?
The day I fell for him never leaves my mind and it is the reason why I can’t look him in the eyes. My heart immediately dropping to the floor. Everything inside of me froze. I knew at that time that this was a one in a lifetime feeling. I knew I was never going to experience this again. Saeed is the love of my life and I have made it my mission to have him no matter if it ruins me in the end.
I’m not sure what time it is right now. It may be two or three in the morning. I can’t get myself to find sleep. I’m not even tossing and turning, I’m just laying here. My mind is just all over the place. It’s worse when I close my eyes. I see my life, a perfect scenario. I see Saeed and I having sex for the first time. I get pregnant by mistake. He already has two children but, he doesn’t tell me to get rid of it because he knows that I want children of my own. I see us getting our own place together and me joining into his already small family…his parents accepting and loving me as well as my own accepting and loving him.
I get out the bed and walk to the kitchen counter that is located in my dorm and grab a room temperature water. I walk back to my bedroom and grab my phone while I sit on my recliner. I scroll through Facebook mindlessly. It’s 6:15 in the morning. I doubt Amancia would be awake right now but I decide to text her anyway. Not even a minute has passed and she is facetiming me.
“Why is your ass up?” She asked me with sleep still in her voice.
“You know you didn’t have to respond. You could’ve just stayed asleep.” I responded back.
“Yea, I know but you would answer me. Plus, I was awake because I had to use the bathroom.”
She said yawning and sitting up.
“I can’t sleep.” I told her.
There was a brief pause.
“I’m solving all your issues for you…I gave him your number.”
I immediately choked on my water.
“YOU WHAT?” I yelled.
“Well…” She shrugged. “I just sent it to him. I told him if he’s interested in getting to know you that he should hit you up. He really thinks he’s super old but I kept trying to explain to him that he’s only seven years older and you are okay with that. Plus, why is he worried about being too old for you if he’s in a relationship.”
“You’re right about that one.” I responded. “I don’t know whether I should hate you or love you.”
“Why would you hate me?” She asked jokingly offended.
“What if he doesn’t text me?” I asked. I should’ve kept that question to myself. I keep forgetting that Amancia doesn’t know how deep I fell about him.
“Oh, trust me. I think he will. I have class in under two hours so I need my beauty sleep. He will text you. GO TO BED!”
“I love you Amancia.” I said to her smiling.
“Yea, I know.”
At that we hung up the phone. Now I’m extremely paranoid. I don’t know what I am going to do with myself today.
I throw my empty water bottle in the trash can and lay back in bed closing my eyes in attempt to get some sleep. As soon as I was about to doze off my phone vibrated.
Messiah. I hope this isn’t too early. I just started my shift.
I jumped up in my bed.
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
My mind is just frantic. I don’t know if I should text back immediately or if I should wait. I am usually so much better at finessing but I think I am totally shocked that he messaged me. Especially as fast as he did. I typed the message.
No. It’s no problem. I couldn’t sleep anyway…
I closed my eyes and pressed send before I could convince myself out of it. I laid back down and placed my phone onto my chest. It vibrated again.
Oh. Okay good. I didn’t want to wake you. You must know who this is. Lol.
I stopped caring about if I looked thirsty. I just feel like I need to be myself and be straight forward. All the anxiety that I had disappeared and I quickly began putting my plan into action. I put my Scorpio powers to work.
What do you have planned for today?
I don’t really have anything planned. My classes got cancelled so I’m probably just going to head to the gym later.
You go to the gym? I never see you there.
Yes lol. I’m not a gym rat. I go every now and again. I don’t like going to much. Guys always stare at me and makes me uncomfortable. It makes it worse because I probably look stupid not knowing what I’m doing.
You don’t look stupid. You’re just beautiful. Take it as a compliment.
Haha. I’ll remember that next time.
So…I’ll see you at the gym today?
Name a time.
I go around 5.
I’ll meet you out front.
Ok. Get some sleep. I’ll see you then.
With my heart finally returning to its normal beating pattern, I rolled over and placed my phone on the charger. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face. I made a promise to myself to keep mostly everything to myself. I love Amancia, but I don’t want her to know everything. I like to keep certain things private so she will get broadened answers to any questions that she may have. Luckily, she doesn’t go to the gym at all. She thinks it’s a waste of time but she really doesn’t even need it because she has the perfect dream body.
I woke up at noon. I got up to brush my teeth and wash my face. I went back to the bed and opened Instagram and began scrolling down my timeline liking random pictures and videos. Someone began knocking on my door.
“Hey girl!” Amancia said happily when she walked into my room.
I laughed at her.
“Hey Amancia.” I said back chuckling.
I closed the door and walked back to my bed and laid down.
“Wassup?” I asked her. “Usually you call before you show up.”
“Yea. Well I wanted to tell you that I got a date!” She said excitedly.
“Congrats.” I laughed. “Who is this lucky bachelor?” I asked her.
Amancia pulled her phone out.
“I have another class in a little bit, but here is what he looks like.” She stated handing me her phone.
The guy on the phone as light skin with dark forest green eyes. He had a beautiful smile.
“Damn. Where you meet him at?” I asked her as I handed her phone back.
“Walking to my class. I couldn’t pay attention girl.”
“When is the date?”
“Where just grabbing some food from the chow hall so I wouldn’t call it a date so to speak.” She said as she stood up. “But it is going to be around five because that’s when my last class ends for today.”
Amancia began walking to the door.
Great. Now I don’t have to explain to her anything about the gym date that I made with Saeed earlier today.
“Well, if you don’t hear from me tonight then I will talk to yo ass tomorrow!” Amancia said walking out of my room.
“Bye girl. Have fun and be safe.” I said to her as I closed my door.
I went and laid down on my bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up it was 4:30 pm. I jumped out of my bed, re-brushed my teeth, and threw on some gym clothes. I grabbed my phone to see I had messages from Saeed.
Hey beautiful. Still up for the gym at five or did you happen to change your mind?
I don’t know if your busy or anything.
I’m not a stalker…Just hit me back if you still want to come. I’ll be there regardless…
I quickly sent a response as I headed out my door to jog to the gym.
OMG IM SOOO SORRY! I wasn’t ignoring you. I had fell asleep and woke up not too long ago. I’m jogging there now.
I sprint as far as I could before slowing down to a slight jog before stopping in front of the gym. As soon as I stepped on the front steps, the front door opened and Saeed’s face showed. He had a huge smile on his face.
“Welcome!” he said smiling.
I walked through the door and took in his entire body. He looked so comfortable with his t-shirt that is cut all the way down the side showing his beautiful pecks and the side of his abs. I felt all the blood rush to my clit. I decided to focus more on his lips being that I didn’t feel comfortable looking Saeed in his eyes.
“Hi.” I said with a smile still attempting to catch my breath from the jog over and me overlooking his beautiful body.
“What’s the workout plan?” I asked him.
“Well, honestly I came to the gym a little earlier today. So, whatever was on your plan to do today we can do.” He said.
We walked to the weight room.
“I honestly didn’t have a plan. I was just going to follow in your lead.” I admitted.
“Well, we can create a plan. It can be something simple. Plus, you already have a warm up since you jogged over here.” He stated. “Today can be legs…if that’s okay with you.”
“Yea that’s fine.”
Saeed worked my legs until I was unable to walk afterwards.
“That was fun.” I admitted as we walked out of the gym.
Saeed had a smile on his face.
“You did great. You have great form too.” He said.
“Thanks. You’re a great teacher.” I blushed.
“Are you hungry?”
“Yea a little.” I said.
“We can stop and get some food. I drove.”
“I stink.” I laughed. “You didn’t do anything so you probably still smell like heaven.”
“No, I need a shower as well. Usually I just shower at the gym so I have clothes. I can drop you off and come back to get you if you want.”
“No. You can just shower in my room its fine. There’s no need to do a lot of driving.”
“You sure?” He asked me.
“Yea. It’s no big deal.” I stated.
We rode in silence as he drove me to my dorm room. Saeed grabbed his gym bag out of the trunk and followed me to my room.
“Welcome.” I said sarcastically as he walked through the door.
“It’s not much but –.”
“It’s fine.” He said cutting me off as he sat his bag down on the floor in front of my lounge chair.
“You can shower first if you want.” I said to him. “The bathroom is down the hall to the right.” I pointed out to him.
“This is your room. You can go if you need to.” He stated.
“No, it’s fine. I have to get some stuff together anyway. You can go ahead.”
He smiled, picked up his bag and walked down the hall. I sat on the arm of my lounge chair in attempt to calm my racing heart. I’ve been doing good with keeping my nerves down. I really enjoyed myself at the gym today. It motivated me to want to change my diet. Especially if Saeed is going to be working with me from now on which he hinted at when I first got to the gym. I smiled thinking about it. I went to my computer desk and started researching different diets until I found one that I felt like I could handle. It involved me having to drink protein being that my meals were going to decrease. I decided to ask Saeed for his opinion as well as explaining to him the research that I have found. As I stood up from the desk, Saeed came down the hall with grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt on along with white Nikes. I felt my body began to radiate with heat. Everything about him is a huge turn on for me.
“I will be back.” I stated quickly as I headed towards the shower with my head down.
I heard Saeed chuckle to himself as he sat in the lounge chair and pull out his phone. When I walked into the bathroom, the smell of his body wash immediately hit my nose smelling so good. I stripped from my work out clothes and hopped into the shower. I took my time rinsing off because the heat from the water loosened the soreness in my legs. I turned the water off, grabbed a towel, and opened the bathroom door allowing all the steam to be released. I walked into the bedroom to see that Saeed hasn’t left his spot on the lounge chair. I walked over to my dresser to grab some sexy underwear and a matching bra. I tossed those onto the bed while I looked for some comfortable clothes settling for an outfit from Pink. I grabbed everything and turned around to see Saeed looking at me in my towel. I smiled and walked back to the bathroom. I left the door open because the air felt good on my skin. I put some lotion all over my body before getting dressed. I put my towel on the rack and walked back to my bedroom.
“Okay. I’m ready.” I said to Saeed as I slid on some flip flops.
Saeed stood up and grabbed his bag.
“Any place your feeling to eat?” He asked me.
“Taco Bell?” I replied smiling.
Saeed chuckled at me.
“After a workout like that and you want Taco Bell?” He asked as we walked out the door.
“Well, this is my last fast food meal for a while so why not?” I stated. “I wanted to ask you for your opinion on some things I researched while you were in the shower.”
We walked down and got into his car. I put my seatbelt on as he began to drive.
“I’m all ears.” He said to me.
I proceeded into telling him about the OMAD diet which involved one meal a day and all the research I read about it. I also explained to him about the suggestion of protein that different websites had. I talked until we made it to Taco Bell, but Saeed seemed genuinely interested.
“I feel like this is the easiest diet for me. Especially if I am going to start working out more seriously with you.” I slid the last part in there as a hint to him.
“Of course. I like it. You’re pushing yourself. I’m going to make sure you stick to this. Only one bad meal once a week.” He said to me. “I will come up with a work out plan for you.”
“Do you want to eat in or take it and go?” He asked me.
“It doesn’t matter.” I responded.
“Do you have anything else to do today?”
I looked up at him.
“No.” I stated softly.
At the moment we finally made eye contact for the second time. The same feeling came back to me. My heart fell into my stomach and my entire body was overtaken with anxiety. Saeed looked me dead into my eyes. He wouldn’t break the contact. I finally looked away biting my lips.
“Well, we can sit and eat if that is okay with you.” He said to me after a few seconds of silence.
I nodded and got out the car.
After one day with Saeed, it confirmed everything that I was feeling. We are going to take my time to show him that we are supposed to be together although I can tell that he is feeling me. I have to have him…but I am determined to make him want me just as much—if not more…