By Heather

I know that I haven’t written in a while. Lately I have been busy with work and finally having time to get to one of the topics that was asked of me. I have been asked if I would rather date a civilian or someone who is in the military and why.

I feel like this is a pretty complicated topic personally due to me just being a complicated person. I can only talk about the army because that is my branch, but I feel as though it may be similar in any branch. I don’t think I have talked about this in any previous posts but I use to be married. My ex was in the military and got out right after we got married. When we were dating, it was honestly a pretty easy relationship. Even in past relationships with dating guys in the military… for the most part it is easy. Besides the usual problems that comes in any relationship, it is easier to be with someone who understands and has the same work schedule. A lot of people join the military right out of high school. This shows a lot because when they get to their duty station they show the same immaturity as a high schooler. As far as dating a civilian who has never been in the military, it is hard to get them to understand your work schedule. You may want to talk about your day and they may not understand it. For example, you could be asked how your day was and you can say it was crappy because we had to put up a tent. Now, a civilian may not know all that is included in the process of putting up a tent but someone in the military would. A civilian may feel as though that is not a big deal.

Personally, there are times when I say that I would never date a guy that is in the military again only because of the guys that I attract. (Which I understand that a lot falls on me as well…) I feel like dating someone who has been in the military but is not currently in would be easier only because they have dealt with the same stuff and understand exactly what I am going. Also, they would be working a civilian job and it wouldn’t be as hard to plan a vacation or to take a trip somewhere because for the most part only one of our schedules would be extremely difficult to work around depending on what our unit is doing at the time. I say that knowing that I will most likely end up dating or talking to someone in the military because that is all I am around. It is very rare that I actually meet a civilian. Being that I live in a military area, I may think someone is a civilian because they are in civilian clothes but there are way more military personnel than civilians.

I am not going to say that all military people are immature because there are plenty of civilians that are immature as well. Obviously, every relationship has different issues. The difficulty of getting through those issues are a little harder if someone doesn’t understand the military life. It can put a huge strain on any relationship because you may not be able to work through the issues as well as you want based on different training schedules, deployment, and last-minute late work days, etc.

If I had to give advice to anyone that may date or consider dating or being in any type of relationship with someone in the military is prepare for the worst and hope for the best. The military can strain a person mentally and emotionally along with physically. Sometimes you have to be that extra support especially if they are on deployment or TDY or anything like that. You have to be extremely understanding.

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