The Things I Couldn’t Say

I don’t like girls.

Well, I’m not attracted to girls in any way.

I do however appreciate the beauty that beautiful girls display.

I’ve always been fond of the sexuality that girls showcase.

And I definitely don’t discriminate against color or race.

But, how do I tell a gay girl that I may be gay?

–but only for her…

That her personality is something that I long to be around every day.

That I love the way she smiles and the deep dimples on her face.

That I love the way she talks because her accent is sexy and her teeth are so straight.

And her eyes glisten like the suns beaming rays.

And that I love when she corrects me and puts me in my place.

And every night for the past couple of days, her sweet face is all I dream about when I lay.

But, how do I tell a gay girl that I may secretly be gay.

But not gay in a way that I’m attracted to every girl that seems to walk my way.

That I could sit in silence or watch the same Netflix movies over and over again on replay.

That I want her to teach me everything there is to know about her so I can reciprocate.

Like, what her favorite color is, her favorite movie, or what games she likes to play.

Or the things that pleases, or doesn’t please her sexually so it’s in the back of my brain.

For her to be comfortable enough to tell me her secrets or the things that bother her each day.

What her favorite food is, what she’s allergic to, or to what God does she pray…

I don’t know how to tell a gay girl that I may secretly be gay.

That I want her to teach me everything so I know my role in the play.

Because I don’t want her to be scared that I may go back straight.

That as long as I got her, everything will be okay.

How I know it’s a short time, but I’ve been crushing so hard for a while. I just didn’t know what to say.

Me approaching a gay girl feels so out of place.

But I want to explore this “gay thing”, but only with her in my face.

To help me figure out what I’m attracted to because I know in my heart this is not a mistake.

I just want to see where this goes in her time, with her pace.

Because I know gay girls don’t take girls seriously that are straight.

But with this gay girl I would be the gayest straight girl in the world and definitely not be ashamed.

But I am terrified and fucking scared to tell this gay girl I’m definitely and secretly gay…

–but only for her.

Published by Heather Dodson-Frazier

Hello Readers, My name is Heather. My birthday is in November making me a Scorpio. I am currently serving active duty in the army. I love animals, I love cooking, and I love to write. I fall in love easily, and even if it doesn’t work out I always leave an impact on the person I fell in love for. I see the good in everyone which can be a good and bad thing. I have decided to create this blog to share my thoughts with the world. This blog is named ChaoticMinds because that describes me perfectly. My mind is always all over the place. I am a very emotional being and I express the way I feel through writing. This blog is going to be very personal. I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone, and sharing my ChaoticMind with you guys so that anyone who can relate can see that they are not alone. I would like to mention, that although this blog is going to be personal, please realize that it is writing. Some things will not be real. When I say personal, I love to mix my reality with my mind. The blogs that you will read will have my reality mixed with thoughts that I feel sound good in writing. My thoughts are always all over the place, my sentence structure will not be correct, my grammar will be all wrong, I may use too many commas or have run on sentences. The way my mind works is the way I write. (Although, I do a lot better when I have professional writing that needs to be done.) Most of the blogs that I will post will be relateable. My goal is to allow others that have experienced similar situations in life to realize that there is someone out in this world that understands them. If you plan on allowing children on my blog, please monitor what they read. A lot of things will be sexual and dark. Being that I am a Scorpio, those are two of my main qualities. Feel free to contact me with topics that you would love for me to discuss. I will love for this blog to be interactive. You can ask me any questions that you like, and I promise in return to be as honest as possible. I have recently added a new page about my natural hair and have plans on adding my weight loss journey. This is going to wrapped around a lot of things. Please enjoy and SHARE SHARE SHARE! -Heather

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